According to my boyfriend Levi, if a person wants children, they should have them, regardless of circumstance. Money, job, housing, they will manage. The topic came up in conversation a while ago, and I can't help but wonder if he really believes what he said.
Speaking for myself, I can honestly say that I feel I have no business bringing a child into this world with so very little to offer it. Just a few years ago I turned my life completely upside down. I have no steady job or substantial income and our house in Amsterdam is so tiny, we have trouble fitting in just the two of us.
I can't imagine thinking "Ah, we'll manage"?? And, come to think of it, is having children in a big city like Amsterdam a good idea at all?
When I was younger, I always thought I'd have children at a certain age. These days, just past thirty, I rather doubt I'm anywhere near ready. And yet... I know a few people who hadn't planned on getting pregnant just yet but who are happy parents now nonetheless. If it happened by accident, then I am sure we would manage. But I can't make a conscious decision based on the facts at this moment.
Besides, I like my life right now. Alright, so I don't have money like water, but our little place is nothing if not cosy and what money I do have, I get to spend on clothing, books, shoes and lovely lunches and dinners in the city with friends.
And then I see my little niece, who is the cutest little creature at nearly one year old. She's going to be a heartbreaker, that one, with her gorgeous eyes and long dark lashes. And she's so smart. I'm very much in love with her and she makes me wonder: what would ours look like? Sometimes I catch myself thinking up names for my own little one. Odd behaviour, methinks, for someone who thinks she is not to have?
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